Dating in Germany: What to Expect
This page deep dives into the wonderful world of dating in Germany. We will look at the norms, quirks and culture of dating in Germany to help you in your quest for love.
When it comes to dating, Germans are not renowned for their passion and romance, especially when compared with their French and Italian neighbours. On the whole, they take a logical, straightforward approach to dating that may not align with the steamy, amorous adventure you are accustomed to.
To help you navigate Germany’s unique dating culture (and avoid some common faux pas!), we have detailed some of the main do’s and don’ts and what you can expect when searching for love in Germany.
😍 There is no hiding from the fact that this article is based heavily on stereotypes, so please take what is written below with a pinch of salt! It does not apply to all Germans and should not be taken too seriously. Where statistics have been used, these have been taken from karten macherei’s 2022 Marriage Study.
How and where to find dates in Germany
With the rapid rise of dating apps sweeping across the world, it is easy to think that everyone must just be pairing off online. But the reality of how people meet in Germany is refreshingly mixed. Here are the top 5 ways that people meet in Germany:
28% meet within their friendship circle.
24% meet on online dating apps.
16% meet in nightclubs or bars.
11% meet at work.
10% meet at a hobby or sports club.
Each year, online dating apps are taking a bigger and bigger bite of the dating marketplace (especially amongst those over 45) – but do not rule out meeting the love of your life within your friendship group, at your local dive bar, on a conference call or even on the Padel court!
Which are the best dating apps in Germany?
As an expat, it can be difficult to start dating through more traditional methods (especially if you are new to a city). You may not have a large friendship circle to introduce you to new people, your workplace may not be bursting with potential, and randomly approaching people in bars may fill you with horror (and often be unwanted).
Plugging this gap are dating apps! In Germany, you have a large selection to choose from based on what you are looking for – here are some of our favourites:
Paid dating sites and apps in Germany
Paid dating services are often where you will find the most serious users. These apps have a higher proportion of users looking for long-term relationships as opposed to casual dating and hookups. Added benefits include verified sign-up processes, scientific matchmaking, events and dating workshops.
Popular paid dating apps are:
✔️ Parship
✔️ ElitePartner
✔️ LoveScout24
Free dating sites and apps in Germany
There is also a host of free, well-known dating sites and apps in Germany that boast millions of users. As well as being free, these apps have a simple sign-up process and are available in English. Because of the minimal sign-up requirements, these apps have a higher proportion of users looking for casual dating and hookups – which can make it difficult for users to determine what potential dates are looking for.
Popular free dating apps are:
✔️ Lovoo
✔️ Badoo
✔️ Bumble
✔️ Tinder
Dating in Germany: What to do
Once you have landed a date in Germany, whether online, at the workplace, through a friend or at your local volleyball club, it is time to meet your potential future partner. To increase your chances of success, here are some top tips on what to do when dating in Germany.
1️⃣ Split the bill
For the most part, Germans view one another as equals. What may appear gallant and charming in your home country, may not have the desired effect in Germany. Therefore, do not hesitate to split the bill at the end of the date as this is the norm for a population that values equality.
Other acts of chivalry may also either go unnoticed or even be received quite negatively – after all, is your date not capable of opening a door or pulling a chair out?!
2️⃣ Trust the process
Dating in Germany is a serious endeavour and is usually focused on getting to know someone to see if they are a suitable long-term partner. This can take time and it does not necessarily follow the prescribed pattern of dating that is commonplace in other countries (i.e. an intimate relationship is established on the third date, etc.). This means it can take a number of months just to establish whether there is romance in the air – how long this will take will vary for everyone so try to avoid being pushy or insecure if things are moving slower than hoped.
During this ‘familiarisation stage’, there will often also be an expectation that you will not be dating other potential partners. But fear not, a German is unlikely to string you along unless they are generally interested – they tend to take a direct approach to dating and will quickly let you know their intentions and if they are not interested in continuing to see you. Be clear and unambiguous when dating a German, as they will value knowing exactly where they stand.
3️⃣ Take a shower!
Above all else, poor personal hygiene was voted the number one buzzkill when dating in Germany. So do not expect to be greeted with loving arms by your date if you have just rolled out of bed after a heavy night out. Other major turn-offs include:
Showing little interest in your date’s life.
Poor communication skills.
Poor sense of humour.
No job stability.
No circle of friends.
4️⃣ Be thick-skinned
When it comes to dating, Germans often live up to their stereotype of being straight-talking. This means you may be told exactly what your date likes and does not like – this can seem hurtful, but remember that it is simply a communication style and part of a German’s openness to giving honest feedback, even though it may feel tactless at times!
And do not be afraid to adopt a direct, honest approach yourself – after all, dating is a two-way street and a German will expect you to communicate your own views, values and intentions clearly.
Dating in Germany: What not to do
1️⃣ Do not be late!
One aspect that permeates German culture is punctuality, a highly valued characteristic of the German population. And this does not only apply to the workplace but also to dating.
A key criterion to dating successfully in Germany is to turn up on time. Showing up late will quickly see you labelled as unreliable, unsuitable and inconsiderate. Treat the start time of your date like an interview, and ensure you are there ready and waiting before your date arrives. In Germany, there are few things sexier than a timely arrival to a date!
2️⃣ Do not play games
Germany does not have a pickup culture. As a whole, Germans do not value the chase or appreciate being gamed. So leave your red-hot pickup line at the door, it will not be well received. And even be wary of paying excessive compliments as these may come across as disingenuine to your German date.
3️⃣ Do not be flaky
In many cultures, dating is quite relaxed and full of hollow promises and vague plans. This is not the case in Germany. You are expected to get in touch if you mention that you will call. Or if you suggest grabbing dinner sometime later in the week, then you best be making that restaurant reservation!
So be careful with your language when dating in Germany – what may seem a fairly innocuous statement to you, may be seen as a commitment and expectation by your German date.
Signs that things are moving in the right direction…
✅ They will tell you
As has been repeatedly mentioned in this article, Germans value frankness. When dating in Germany, you will likely have a very clear idea of whether things are headed in the right direction because the person you are dating will tell you exactly how things are going. No second-guessing, no mind games, just cold, hard truths!
✅ You will be planned into their life
Germans plan everything. Their schedules are detailed and full, leaving little room for spontaneity or unpredictability. If a German regularly incorporates you into their plans, then you can be confident that things are ticking along nicely.
✅ You will be invited to travel
Wherever you go in the world, you will always find Germans. They love to travel and value it highly. If you are lucky enough to be invited on an overseas escapade with your German date, it is a sign that the seriousness of your relationship is heating up.
✅ You will meet the family
As in most cultures, meeting the parents is a big step. And this is also the case in Germany, where meeting Mutti and Vati is a clear sign that you are considered serious, long-term potential. I can already hear the wedding bells!
We hope this has provided you with an insight into dating in Germany. We know this can all seem a bit intimidating. But, do not be alarmed – if you are well-presented, reliable, show curiosity and communicate in a straightforward, honest manner, then we think you are well on your way to dating successfully in Germany.
For further tips on life in Germany, check out our homepage and blog.